Sunday, December 12, 2004

Singles Shabbaton Chronicles Part 8: From the depths I called to you

Friday 6:45 pm

I have eaten my dinner but not enjoyed it. The food was OK, albeit too spicy for my bland Ashkenazi tastes. No one at my table has said a word throughout most of the meal. Each of us ate his meal with his eyes on his plate. Finally I say “so, what is everyone’s name,” and we go around the table. I try to liven up the conversation but no one else picks up the cue. I am still enraged at the crazy old lady who was so rude to me. I’m beside myself and start feeling tears welling up.

Friday 7 pm

I’m in my hotel room. I am weeping bitterly. I get into a nightgown and sit on my bed, hot angry tears spilling into my lap. Why did you bring me here, God? Why am I trapped with rude, primitive, ill-mannered, crazy people, most of whom are either my parents’ age or have some obvious physical deformity? What is the point? I know you have some plan God, but I can’t begin to imagine what it is. Is this all there is? Did I have to come to Tiberias to learn that truly, there are no good men left? I am angry, so angry, and afraid. I am crying so hard I make no sound.

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